Raines: Interview Assignment

Activism as a Mother

Stephanie’s flight had been delayed. She was flying home for winter break from her small, women’s college in Pennsylvania. I had always thought that was stupid. Stephanie wanted to be an English teacher. Why did she need to go all the way to Pennsylvania to earn a degree no more credible than the one she would obtain here at an in-state tuition price while also receiving the HOPE scholarship? And plus, why on earth would anyone ever want to go to an all girls school? That was certainly not the college life I had always imagined. It just didn’t make any sense to me. There I sat, in the food court of the Atlanta airport with only my cell phone and Stephanie’s mother, Sheila, to entertain me. I had never really sat down and had a conversation with her beyond the typical conversation a girl may have with her best friend’s mother. I couldn’t tell you exactly what was said during that discussion, but something hit me hard and left me with a newfound respect for the woman and an understanding of why she found Stephanie’s decision to go to a women’s college so important. Later, when it came time to begin this project, the conversation I had with Shelia came to the front of my mind.
Sheila Purdin is a thirty-nine-year-old, Caucasian, liberal, divorcee, and mother of two. She recently converted to Judaism and currently works in early education at a congregational preschool while also attending school full time to earn a degree in English education. These are all important components of Sheila’s identity; however, one intersection she did not mention to me was feminist. Though this woman may not actually consider herself a feminist or an activist, the way she has raised her children, particularly her daughter Stephanie, would suggest otherwise.
During the interview I asked her if she considered herself a feminist. She responded, “I suppose it depends on how strict of a definition of the word you use. I like to have someone open the door for me… But do I think that women should have the same opportunities? Absolutely. And do I think women are less capable? No. Not all.” This seems to be typical for women of her generation. While they share some similar ideals with feminists, they still believe in certain traditions and acts of courtesy. Sheila grew up in an Agnostic, Caucasian family in a small town named Port Angeles on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington state. She attended gifted education classes in small neighborhood schools, which played an important role regarding Sheila’s feministic mindset. While in school “[she] always felt that [she] had to choose between being smart and being pretty. If [she] wanted a guy to like [her], then [she] had to be stupid… or at least not smarter than him. [She] always found that to be hard.” Another influence on Sheila’s opinions was the role of her mother. “My mom grew up thinking that she had to graduate from high school and get married,” she stated, and though she may have followed the exact same path, her mother’s influence became a primary motive for her to ensure that Stephanie knew that various options were out there.
Sheila certainly would not consider herself an activist in the feminist movement; however, she freely supports activism of any kind. Although, she attended a few protests in Seattle when the U.S. first invaded Iraq, she notes that “It was really more about being in an environment with people who were like-minded. I kind of wanted to see what it felt like, more than I was making a political statement. I wanted to experience the idea that people have a voice and that they have a right and responsibility to use it.” When she was first in college, she became deeply interested in the Civil Rights Movement. Though primarily all she did was research, she stated, “I used to wonder if I would have the courage to do what they did… people who truly are activists… I think that’s cool, even if you don’t agree with what they’re doing. It takes a lot of gumption.” She has become active in the current election but only by attending a few meetings for Obama where she makes phone calls. She also actively works for the advocacy for Autism Spectrum Disorder through her workplace. She has not participated in any feminist movements or protests, but this certainly does not mean she has not been active. Her activism has been more subtle, private, and mainly executed through her relationships with her children.
In certain ways, Sheila has post-feminist ideals. She claims, “I don’t think of things as clearly defined by gender lines as they were a generation ago. I have no interest in becoming more active in the feminist movement. I feel that their women’s issues are worthy topics; however, they are not the most pressing things to me personally.” What she does not realize is that she already is active in the feminist movement.
While Sheila may see herself as post-feminist, I gathered the idea that she can be considered third wave because it is inclusive of practically anything, including the way you raise your children. Sheila made a valiant effort to remove society’s stereotypes from her children right from birth: “I was huge on giving them non-gender related, non-stereotypical toys… But it didn’t matter what you handed Stephanie, she would make it beautiful. She was so girly. She always was and she always will be. And this one? [In reference to her son] Please! Everything is a weapon! It doesn’t matter. You could give him nothing but Barbie Dolls and he would shoot with them. They were so stereotypically defined by their genders that it was weird to me. And I was almost trying to get them to not be!”
Aside from that, Sheila also took special care in making sure Stephanie did not feel the same sort of oppression growing up. She made it certain that Stephanie never felt torn between her beauty and her brains: “Stephanie is a beautiful gifted girl who was identified very young and naturally very feminine. Always. And it was just the person that she was. But I always wanted her to set her standards high and expect a lot from herself and to believe that she could be both.” And she has.
Even according to Baumgardner and Richards, Sheila can be considered third wave because of other factors. She is pro-choice, supports the use of birth control, supports women in the same positions as men, and certainly wishes to “liberate adolescents from slut-bashing, listless educators, sexual harassment, and bullying at school.” However, Sheila has no desire to “tap into and raise awareness of our revolutionary history.” She has the mindset that large waves of extreme feminist activities are in the past; however, in more personal ways, she is still actively fighting for the same causes Baumgardner and Richards were.
Sheila’s strong encouragement for Stephanie to attend a women’s college can certainly be considered an act of feminism, especially according to Rebecca Walker’s definition: “To be a feminist is to integrate an ideology of equality and female empowerment into the very fiber of [her] life. It is to search for personal clarity in the midst of systemic destruction, to join in sisterhood with women when often [they] are divided, to understand power structures with the intention of challenging them.” This is undoubtedly similar to Sheila’s ideals in that “[she] really pushed Stephanie hard to go to a women’s college. [She] really wanted her to surround herself with like-minded women during this time in her life when she is really sort of learning to be comfortable in her own skin and to decide who she is and, you know, figure out what direction she wants her life to go from here.” Whether she realizes it or not, these ideas can certainly be classified as feminist. Women’s colleges coincide with Baumgardner and Richard’s point to “share the same goal of equality, and supporting one another in [the effort] to gain the power to make [their] own choices.” This line of thinking shared between women’s colleges led Sheila to believing “that [Stephanie] didn’t have to know what she wanted to be when she grew up. She just needed to know that the person she was inside of her skin was a good one, and that she could set lofty goals for herself. And then to surround her with people who were doing the same thing.”
As for her hopes of the future of women’s studies, Sheila thinks “women need to learn to celebrate one another and their accomplishments... [she] wish[es] that we could have this shift where we celebrate each other.” She would like to see more unity and less cruelty: “Women in general are pretty mean to each other, especially young girls… and [she] would like to see that change.”
Perhaps Sheila Purdin was not the most idealistic interviewee for this project. She married young, had children, has never yelled at a man for opening the door, and certainly has not participated actively in the mainstream waves of feminism. She is radical in no sense of the word. However, I am fairly sure that the whole idea behind this project was for me to learn something, which I have done. In particular, I learned that although stepping out of your comfort zone to speak up and actively fighting something you feel passionately about is important, it is not the only way to make a difference. You don’t have to hate men, burn your bra, or go to radical extreme measures to get people to listen. You especially do not have to participate in these actions to be considered a third wave feminist. Stephanie’s decision to attend an all women’s college seems far more justified now that I have had the chance to fully understand her upbringing.