O'Barr: Interview Assignment

Elaine O’Barr
McCauliff
WMST 2010
7 March 2008

Regina: Third Wave Feminist

I was raised in a strict Independent Baptist church in which women were not allowed to wear pants or hold church positions. My father was the head of our family and made all the decisions, and for a long time I saw nothing wrong with this. When my mother got a case of what Betty Freidan refers to as “The Problem That Has No Name,” she made the decision to remove herself from this destructive situation by asking for a divorce. I cannot recall any time before this that my mother had expressed herself so strongly. I became curious, almost obsessed, about my mother and why she felt the way she did. In a teary conversation she once told me it was not that she did not love my father, she just “felt constricted...tied down.” This is when I uncovered the un-proclaimed feminist side to the women in my family. I was ten when my parents divorced, and since then my mom and her sisters have made a point to raise the girls in our family on the belief that you should never let a man hold you back or put you down. For my interview, I chose one of their close friends. She is a woman who unintentionally had a lot of influence on the women in my family. Her name is Regina and my mom refers to her as the “coolest, most free person in the world.” This paper will focus on Regina and her embodiment of Third Wave feminism.

Regina is a thirty five year old who is strongly in touch with her identity as a woman. She has never been very present in my life, but, through my mom and aunts, she has vicariously influenced my beliefs. Since I was young, I have always heard a lot about her through the stories I’ve been told by my family and have been curious about her choices. Regina is a free spirit and makes the rules for her own life and I have always admired this about her. Marisa Navarro talks in her essay “Becoming La Mujer” on how being a real mujer (woman) in the Third Wave means being who you want and being absolutely proud of it (Navarro 45). Regina is the personification of this statement.

A strong stance of Third Wave feminism is the right to choose to do whatever you think is right for you, and the right to be free of judgment for these choices. Regina has chosen not to marry and not to have children of her own because she feels it is right for her. When she was younger, she always assumed would grow up, get married, and have 12 kids. Having been raised in a large extended family in which divorce was very rare, she understands the extreme commitment that comes along with marriage. While she appreciates the long term relationships she has had because they made her who she is, her independence and freedom are very important to her and she has never met someone she was willing to compromise those for. If she met someone now that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she does not feel she would not marry them because she “has been single too long” and likes her life the way it is. Regina does not regret any of her decisions because she is “very happy with who she is and could not be that if she had not made the choices she did.” (Regina 2008)

In our Women’s studies course we have discussed how certain assumptions are made about women who do not marry and have children. I asked Regina if she had ever experienced this and her immediate response was, “Oh Yes!” She lives in Kingsport, Tennessee where almost everyone marries at 18. She says, of course, lots of people assume she is a lesbian and her family and friends wrongfully assume she is readily available to baby-sit or that she will attend their gatherings alone because she is not in a committed relationship. People’s lack of compunction in regards to this part of her bothered her when she was younger, but the more she has matured the less this affects her. She would agree with Audre Lorde’s belief that one part of your identity is not able to substitute for your whole. The fact that she is single does not make her who she is; it is her personality and spirituality that play that role.

Regina and I discussed the variety of ways she has benefited from her choice to remain single. While reviewing a study by Jennifer Baumbusch on Lifelong Single-hood of Third Wave feminists, I found that most women who choose lifelong single-hood reported the same benefits Regina did (Baumbusch 113-114). The most important on her list was her travels. She has been able to go a lot of places and do a lot of things, such as spend a month in France. She is also currently in graduate school and she feels these things would have been difficult for her if she were married or had children. Regina placed a lot of emphasis on her freedom because she enjoys not having to compromise and check with another person before she makes decisions. This is what most of the women in the Lifelong Single-hood study reported was the best part of their choice to remain single (Baumbusch 113-114).

Regina had the most to say when I asked her what the word or idea of “feminism” meant to her and whether or not she would identify herself as a feminist. The first thing that came to her mind as to her definition of feminism comes from a bumper sticker she once saw that reads “Feminism: The radical belief that women are people, too.” This idea stuck with her over the years and shaped her beliefs of feminism. Regina simply believes that “we are all just people, whether male or female from any race, and neither is better or worse.” She discusses how she feels every woman, no matter her color, has to believe in her equality with any man and asks how any woman could not identify as a feminist. (Regina 2008) This is a question that had not occurred to me before and opened up a new definition of feminism to me: Feminism is what most women strive for, even if they do not identify as a feminist. Every single woman that has ever asked her husband to help out with the chores around the house, felt they had the right to vote, or do anything else that a man can do believes in the idea of feminism, whether they proclaim it or not. This is true because feminism is just equality for woman, and nothing more. An Australian woman named Su, who was quoted in Amy Richard and Jennifer Baumgardners’ Manifesta, sums up this idea as she says “[Feminists are] just women who don't want to be treated like shit (Baumgarndner 1).”

Regina epitomizes the ideas and beliefs of third wave feminism. She has chosen to remain unmarried and has chosen not to be a mother. She demands that she be free from judgment for these choices. She is active in multi-cultural issues and considers anything that stands up for a person’s rights to be a form of activism. She recognizes the benefits and drawbacks to lifelong single-hood. These are all stances of third wave feminism. Feminism is simply the notion of equality for women and every woman has to love herself enough to know that they deserve this. Women have to know that they are not defined by a man. Every woman needs to adopt her idea that feminism is more than just something to believe in; it is something to live by. We have to make this our way of life.

Bibliography

Jennifer, Baumgardner, and Richards Amy. "What is Feminism." Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future. General Women and Feminism. 2 Mar. 2008 http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/genwom/whatisfem2.htm.

Navarro, M. (1998). Becoming La Mujer. In O. Edut (Ed.), Adiós Barbie: Young
Women Write About Body Image and Identity (pp. 38-46). Seattle, Washington:Seal Press.

Baumbusch, Jennifer L. "Unclaimed Treasures: Older Women's Reflections on Lifelong Singlehood." Journal of Women & Aging 16.1/2 (2004): 105-121. Academic Search Complete. EBSCO. [Library name], [City], [State abbreviation]. 7 Mar. 2008 http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=13757765&site=ehost-live.

Regina. Telephone Interview. 1 March 2008.