When I first read over this assignment, I did not know who I would want to interview. After some consideration, I decided to interview my mother because I did not really know much about the things that influenced her perspective while growing up. I knew that she went to an all female college in Pennsylvania, and that she never wants me or my sister to attend a college like hers. Besides that, I did not really know much more about her opinions on things because I have never asked. I chose to interview her because I understand that I need to ask her the questions that I have while I have the chance. My father, her husband, passed away in 2002, and there are a lot of questions I would have loved to ask him. My mother was widowed at the age of thirty-eight, and I saw our family of three females grow and learn from each other. It was incredibly refreshing to have an educated discussion, with the expected off topic rambles, with my mother about her past and education. This paper will discuss what my mother offers as a woman born during the Second Wave Feminist Movement.
One of the most interesting points of my interview was how knowledgeable my mother is about feminism. My first question was whether or not she considered herself a feminist, to which her response was “In some ways yes…” and went on to talk about how she felt that despite the gains women have made over the years, including Hilary Clinton’s rise in government, “but the battle for equality continues on.” She graduated from Cedar Crest College, a small women’s college in Pennsylvania, in 1985. She explained that she chose the school because she “wanted to be in an academic environment free from competition with men.” We discussed the waves of Feminism and she said she most closely identifies with the “Second wave … many good points were made by some very acerbic women writers. I have had the most exposure to their views while I was in college.” I was not surprised to learn that my grandparents thought a women’s college would be safer, but it was interesting to discover that my mother refuses to send her daughters to a women’s college because there was “way too much emphasis on driving out to parties at the nearby co-ed schools . . . I want my daughters to be able to walk home, in the company of others for safety, after a night out.” I had never thought to ask about why my mom threw away any brochures from women’s colleges while I was in high school.
My mother and I never had the stereotypical birds and bees talk, because growing up in such a sex-positive generation I’ve had other means, such as experienced friends, to learn about sexuality. So, I was a little hesitant to approach the topic of sex and abortion. I began by asking what her Catholic, conservative mother told her about sex as a young woman. It was not surprising to hear that my grandmother “did not discuss sex other than to express her view that premarital sex was a bad thing.” My grandmother passed away when I was ten years old, so I do not remember her very well and we discussed her for a while. My mom remembers that her parents both worked at her high school, where few women worked at the time. This made me think of my father’s mother, who worked as a nurse until a few years ago. I had never sat down and considered that my family has so many strong, working females. One story about my grandmother’s views on premarital sex came up that made me realize the differences in the generations. My mother commented “I remember her saying why would he want to buy the cow when he can get the milk for free – I do not like any comment that compares women to cows. Sex is a natural part of life.” I consider this an example of how sexuality has become less taboo through the years. My mom had never heard of the term “sex-positive” in reference to Third Wave Feminism until we discussed the topic. She thought that movement had ended in the 1990s, and did not know much about it. She laughed when I told her that some people consider the Pussycat Dolls feminist, but that she loved their reality television show.
Education has always been important in my family. There was never a question of whether or not I would go to college, and I have always respected my mother for her education. She explained to me how her family had taught her to value being an educated female in a world of men. She had already told me that she realizes men still tend to earn more money in jobs, which is a reason why she decided to return to school as an adult. She wanted “the satisfaction of being a female with a higher degree. And more money at work.” When my sister and I were younger, however, she chose to leave her job and be a stay at home mother. When I asked why she decided to return to work when we were in elementary school she explained how she “thought it was important to be home with my children during their early years. The whole “bonding” thing has great validity and importance to me. But I was bored at home. There are only so many times you can watch “Beauty and the Beast.” I needed more mental stimulation.” She became an elementary teacher at the school my sister and I attended, and now enjoys working as a middle school special education teacher. She is currently working towards a Master’s in education, while maintaining a full time job. I remember that even as my dad was terminally ill in the hospital, she did not drop the courses she was taking during the summer. She said it was important to keep working towards her educational goals so she could support the family. This had a major influence on me as a young female, and I will never forget my mom saying that the best decision she ever made was to return to work, because a woman should never rely solely on her husband because you never know what may happen. I asked her if she had ever read Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique and she replied “Yes, back in college I read it. I remember being drawn in by Betty Friedan’s views on how women should not be identified in life solely as a wife and mother. They need their own identities. It explored many things that were ahead of me – a career, marriage, and family. It made me think about what was important in terms of life goals.”
Our conversation jumped around for a bit as she laughed at the family dog, Teddy, and I searched for another pen because my first one ran out of ink. I then realized that I had never discussed abortion with my mother, and I asked her what her general opinion was on the topic. She told me that “while I could never do it, there is a place for it – rape, incest, medically dangerous pregnancies. There are other situations where it should be considered, such as teenage pregnancies, families that have grown too large, families that are not financially stable to raise children. However, other options should be considered in these cases, like adoption.” She pointed out how anti-abortion her parents were. I did not really find her opinion unforeseen because she has had such a liberal education and works with special education children from families of poverty. She told me multiple stories about children that are unwanted, abused, and neglected and end up in foster care or in extreme cases, psychiatric hospitals. Throughout the years of her teaching in these sorts of programs, I’ve seen her buying many lower level books for middle school students still struggling to read and write due to their emotional damage and behavior problems. Her devotion to these children has always been inspiring to me. We went on with our discussion on abortion and she told me about a roommate she once had who was from Italy and had two abortions. The woman was left with worries about ever being able to become pregnant again because the second one was carried out with poor hygiene conditions.
The discussion of this roommate, whom I had never heard of, made me remember a friend my mother was close to a few years ago. I remembered my mom used to refer to this friend as a “man hater.” My mother laughed as she recalled this and went on to explain how this woman’s viewpoints were very extreme after her experiences with her ex-husband, who cheated on her in her own bed. My mom told me to remember that “all women should experience living on their own, supporting themselves, but there is a time and a place for sharing your life with another person.” Our family spent time with this friend a lot after my dad passed away, and I remember worrying that my mom would listen to her friend and never start dating again. She started dating about two years after he died, because she “did not want to be too old before venturing back out into the world.” I began asking questions about her marriage with my dad. I never knew that they met when my dad, who served in the Navy for twenty years, was stationed near her hometown in New Jersey. They became engaged after he was transferred to Charleston, South Carolina, and she refused to move with him unless she had a ring. She commented that “the engagement was a factor out of respect to my parents. They would not have approved of me moving in with a boyfriend, despite the fact that I was a grown woman.”
My long conversation with my mother really opened my eyes to how similar our views on many issues are. She and I agreed that a woman should not vote for Hilary Clinton solely on the fact that she is a woman, and the candidates’ ideals, goals, and policies are the driving factors in making a decision about which candidate is in the best interest of our country. We also have very similar views on pre-marital sex, abortion, birth control, and the sex-positive culture. My mother is a strong and inspirational woman for my sister and me. She has identified as a feminist since she attended college, and I am beginning to realize that I, too, am a feminist.
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