Greene: Media Analysis

Applying Feminist Thought to “Secret Life of a Soccer Mom”

Representations of women and men in the popular media often reflect society’s assumptions about gender roles; portrayals of “real” women and men in reality based television shows are no exception. Reality television, just one of many media outlets that “claim to present reality” (Nabi et al 304), can be defined as programming that “film[s] real people as they live out events (contrived or otherwise) in their lives, as these events occur” (304). While reality based programming endeavors to represent unscripted events and dialogue, individuals on these shows can typically be seen acting out their gender scripts, implicit regulations woven into our everyday lives that consciously and unconsciously guide men and women’s behavior. One reality show, however, has attempted to reverse the typical gender roles by offering stay at home mothers the opportunity to work outside the home.
On TLC’s “Secret Life of a Soccer Mom,” women who nominate themselves for the show are given one week to secretly participate in their dream careers while their families believe they are vacationing at a spa. When the week is up, the women reveal their “secret lives” to their families and choose whether or not to keep their jobs. On the first episode of the series, stay at home mom Adrian is given the chance to work as a high-end fashion designer for one week, eventually deciding that she will keep this career permanently. In my analysis of this episode, I will argue that although this show offers some women a unique opportunity to cast aside their expected roles of wife and mother, it is not a fully feminist text because it ignores the systemic barriers that working mothers must face and presents working outside and inside the home as mutually exclusive roles. Further, I will examine this episode using a second wave feminist framework to illustrate the ways in which current obstacles facing mothers intersect with past feminist struggles.
In the first episode of TLC’s “Secret Life of a Soccer Mom,” viewers are introduced to Adrian, a stay at home mother of three who studied fashion design in college. After nominating herself for the show, Adrian was chosen as the first contestant to secretly experience her dream career for one week. During the episode, Adrian tells her family that she will be relaxing at a spa for the week as a reward for all of her hard work at home. Her husband, a physician, must care for their children and the house. Both experience hardship; Adrian’s design skills are called into question by her coworkers and her husband’s lack of experience in the home is apparent. Although Adrian leaves a list of instructions, he questions their validity, saying he “can’t be bothered” to follow them. Meanwhile, his toddler daughter is seen drinking and spilling a bottle of coffee creamer, which she insists on cleaning up herself without any objection from her father. At work, Adrian’s fabric choices and design concepts are criticized, and when she completes a small collection of clothes to be anonymously evaluated alongside another designer’s, only one of her outfits is praised. The episode culminates in an emotional scene where Adrian tells her family about her new “secret life” and informs them that the design firm she worked for would like to hire her full time. After a short discussion with her family, Adrian decides that she will continue to work as a fashion designer outside of the home.
Although this episode reveals definite feminist themes and empowers one woman by offering her the opportunity to enter the “public sphere,” the overall nature of the show posits it as a less-than-feminist text. Women on the show view it as an opportunity to “fulfill a dream” (The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom: Adrian) and expand their identities to encompass more than being a mother, a role often expected of woman and encouraged through socialization from a young age. Adrian says she is satisfied being a mother and that being a stay at home mom is “a balancing act…like in the workforce” (The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom: Adrian), but she is also passionate about fashion design and values this facet of her personality as well. Clearly, the show is a positive experience for the women who choose to participate; whether they decide to return to work or stay at home full time, they are given the chance to examine themselves and their lives and as host Tracey Gold observes, “discover a newfound confidence” (Tracey Q&A) that they may not have had before. However, while the show offers some women the unique opportunity to redefine themselves as working mothers, it offers little commentary on the real tensions that women who work and have children must face.
In reality, motherhood is said to be “the single biggest risk factor for poverty in old age” (Crittenden 193); while class issues certainly influence this statistic, all mothers who work within the home are vulnerable since “government social policies don’t even define unpaid care of family dependents as work” (193). Although Adrian’s family is clearly in a privileged class position on the show, her status as a stay at home mom puts her at severe risk for poverty later in life. Rather than addressing this issue, though, the show glosses over it and sends her into the workforce with no commentary on the struggles that all stay at home mothers must face. While she will be earning an income by returning to work full time, thus potentially “equalizing the balance of power within [her] marriage” (Okin 611), Adrian’s situation is in stark opposition to that of other women who return to work after becoming mothers. Her abilities are questioned for only brief period of time; in reality, mothers who enter the workforce after a long hiatus are often met with resistance since the work they do at home is hardly considered valuable experience in the “public sphere.” Here, the show might have recognized this challenge and somehow integrated it into the first episode; however, little is said about the difficulties real mothers must face when returning to the workforce.
Similarly, the show offers virtually no commentary on the “second shift” job that many women must work when they return home from the job. Although viewers see Adrian’s husband taking care of the children and the home while she is secretly working, his reaction to the work is disheartening. After ignoring his wife’s instructions, he struggles with the tasks that all stay at home mother’s must endure on a daily basis. He cannot keep up with the children, is seen telling his youngest daughter to “stay” like a dog, and allows one child to eat a tube of diaper rash cream. The house is a mess, yet the show portrays his inability to work in the home as humorous, dubbing playful, lighthearted music over the scene.
By representing her husband in this manner, the show reinforces the stereotype that work at home is “women’s work” and perpetuates the idea that it is okay for men to avoid housework and childcare. Pat Mainardi describes this phenomenon in her article “The Politics of Housework;” highlighting the excuses many men use to trivialize work women have traditionally done in the home, Mainardi notes that men often say they do not “do it very well” (189) and that women must “show [them] how to do it” as a way to keep women from asking them to do their fair share. Rather than addressing her husband’s alleged inability to do housework, the show simply portrays him as a well meaning father trying his best. Although he offers to “help out more” when Adrian announces that she will be returning to work full time, this is rarely the reality for working mothers. In the essay “Vulnerability by Marriage,” Susan Okin points out that “many husbands who profess belief in sharing household tasks equally actually do far less than their wives” and that “in many cases, egalitarian attitudes make little or no difference in who actually does the work” (609). In an interview taped during the show, Adrian even notes that she is “in awe” of mothers who work full time and go home to take care of the children; even she does not question the assumption that she will continue to care for the home and the children while working. The show does not address these issues, however, and posits Adrian’s return to the workforce as nothing more than a positive, empowering experience.
While returning to work is undoubtedly “one of the ways that women show their rejection of their role in society” (James 192), TLC’s “Secret Life of a Soccer Mom” offers little relevant commentary on women’s positions as wives and mothers in today’s world. Extending the dialogue that Betty Friedan started during the second wave of feminist thought with The Feminine Mystique, texts on women and work must do more than represent working inside and outside the home as mutually exclusive roles; in reality, these positions are inextricably linked, and a fully feminist text must recognize both empowering and disempowering aspects of working in the “public sphere.” Women must be given the opportunity to move beyond their prescribed roles of wife and mother, but blindly sending women into the workforce without addressing the barriers all working mothers must face is not the answer. The second wave struggle to earn women the right to be working mothers continues, and only by recognizing the work that women do as mothers and employees, offering support for women who wish to work inside or outside the home, and eliminating the economic and social vulnerabilities that working mothers and wives face can we realize this goal. Although the first episode of TLC’s “Secret Life of a Soccer Mom” is not a fully feminist text, perhaps it is a start; at any rate, it illustrates that the issues second wave feminists faced are still applicable and facilitates an open dialogue that may move us closer to equality for all women.