Cook: Media Analysis

Katie Cook
Women Studies
Kristen McCaullif
April 28, 2008

A Shot at the Sex Positive with Tila Tequila: A New Third Wave Development

Today’s media outlets are full of reality dating shows of people hoping to find love. Every show appeared the same with a man choosing between many women or a women searching for the perfect man. It was not until VH1 aired “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” that this homogeneous trend was broken. Tila Tequila, a stripper and former Playboy model, was looking for love outside of these heterosexual expectations. On national television, Tila announced that she was bisexual and would be looking for love in a group of sixteen straight men and sixteen lesbian women. In this paper, I will argue that “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” offers to media consumers the theory of sex-positive feminism and an optimistic outlook on the third wave. I will also analyze the homophobia and intolerance that is felt toward the people living outside of the heterosexual “norm.” In particular, I will use the reactions of the men on the show toward the women to demonstrate this blatant homophobia.
The third wave of feminism is completely unique from the first two waves. Beginning in the 1980s and gaining its name in the 1990s, the third wave works to address issues related to racism, economic classes, and gender binaries. “A Shot at Love” addresses the issue of gender binaries. Women are no longer forced to hide their sexuality, but it can be used as a tool for feminism (Bronstein 784). “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” depicts women that are flaunting every aspect of their bodies. Not only are these women acting in an explicit sexual manner, they are all lesbians or bisexuals. These women are bringing the idea of sex-positive feminism to the forefront of the media whether it is by dancing on poles or dressing extremely provocatively. Sex-positive feminism can be defined as “a simple but radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions” (Queen XVII). In a society that is attempting to eliminate sexual deviances, it is refreshing to see these women openly displaying their sexual orientation. The key to understanding the sex-positive is accepting the differences while attempting to stop destroying them (Queen XVIII). In my eyes, sex positive feminism is being in control of every aspect of oneself. It is being able to choose a partner, or multiple partners, of any sex without being judged. It all comes down to being the master of one’s own body.
In “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila,” spotting the pro-sexuality activity is quite simple. Throughout the show, Tila often held competitions between the men and the women. The winner gained a reward while the loser was “punished.” In episode four of the series, appropriately titled Heaven and Hell, the women won the competition; when asked if they wanted to join Tila in Heaven or Hell, they chose Heaven. The boys, as their punishment, were sent to Hell. Scantily clad Tila greeted the boys and proceeded to lead them to Hell. In the room titled Hell was stripper poles, cages, sex toys, and handcuffs. Tila took control of the boys and made them do whatever she wanted. Locking some of them in cages and whipping others, she made her dominion over them and her immense sexuality quite obvious. Tila is displaying the different approach that third wavers have on issues of sexuality and bodily aesthetics that can be considered feminist resistance. In the Guardian, a newspaper centered in London, Kira Cochrane wrote, “The wider third wave project of reclaiming and embracing female sexuality, after generations in which women weren’t allowed to admit to any sexual feelings or interest at all, has been a genuinely positive progression” (3). She is defying the “man-hating” view of the second wave and indulging in empowering activities supported by the third wave. These empowering deeds are considered “frivolous activities that make you feel good” (Bronstein 795). In Jane Sexes It Up, Jane writes about bringing sexuality and feminism together. She believes that women should not have to give up feminism to feel good about sex; and sex should not be forsaken in order to be called a feminist. Tila is showing women through her show that it is not necessary to forgo sexual activity. Women should understand that the third wave is all encompassing. Third wavers are more likely to identify as lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, or regular women that are empowered by their sexual actions. Participants in the third wave relinquish the need to see things in a distinct light; their thoughts reside outside of binaries (Bronstein 784). In an interview with the Toronto Sun, a newspaper that branches from Sun Media, Tila Tequila stated, “It’s kind of refreshing to go back and forth” (Ward 1). In essence, this “refreshing” feeling can be what the third wave is working toward.
Seemingly trivial at first glance, I would argue that Tila Tequila’s fashion in the show sets a trend for third wave feminism. Third wavers are seen as being more concerned with appearances; and it has been said that they are more approachable than those women of the second wave. These women are more open to being beautiful and can talk about a feminist agenda while still wearing make up and high heels. In fact, this concept of beauty makes feminism more acceptable in media outlets. One certain case study analyzes the depiction of second wave feminist versus third wave feminist in the media. Second wavers were often depicted as “social deviants and axe-carrying man haters” while the third wavers were referred to as “cutting edge, diverse, and media-friendly.” With the media on the side of feminists, it is simpler to relay an agenda to the masses. People are more likely to listen to the words of a “powerful” woman rather than a “loony” (Bronstein 790). In Shot of Love, the media carefully notes the way Tila dresses. Her risqué and revealing outfits convey her sexuality before she even speaks. Throughout the show, her clothes were constantly referred to by her potential “lovers”, and the camera often focused on them. It was a regularity to see Tila walking down the mansions seemingly endless staircase in stilettos and an animal print outfit while the focus was directly on Tila or the men and women gazing at her in awe. Due to the fact that “A Shot at Love” is yet another reality dating show (with a slight twist), many viewers did not tune in for the plot line. Tila’s witty personality and sexy persona inevitably attracted much attention.
Although I feel that Shot at Love is a progressive show as it is helping the acceptance of alternatives to the gender binary, it also shows the homophobia that is still existent in the world today. To say that post-feminism has arrived is not accurate due to the third wave fight for a more diverse group than women. When VH1 first approached Tila with the idea of “A Shot at Love,” Tila was torn. The Toronto Sun reported that even though Tila had known she was bisexual from a very young age, exhibiting her sexual preferences on television was not something that sounded appealing. She only agreed to do the show after she realized that it was a first (Ward 1). If homophobia no longer existed and people were not judged based on their personal choices, the decision to do the show would have been less complex.
The homophobia was also clearly visible from the men on “A Shot at Love.” When Tila first announced that she was a bisexual to the men and women, a shocked look was embedded on every man’s face. The men constantly made remarks about how Tila was not truly a bisexual; she just had not been with a “real” man. They also made what they thought were brilliant comments analyzing how the lesbian women were just suffering from “penis envy.” Even past this show, being referred to as a lesbian carries negative connotations. When said in this negative fashion, lesbian is a title that can make a person feel completely outside of societal acceptance. Because these women choose not to be intimate with men, they must hate all men. A woman choosing to try to survive without a man must have something wrong with her, or so it seems from a homophobic perspective (Pharr 416). Unfortunately, as Pharr points out in her book, the label lesbian affects all women, not just those who identify as lesbian. It can be used to describe women who are independent and living fully without necessarily needing a man to support them. Making women conform to a traditional role is something that the title lesbian attempts to do. Tila’s decision to admit her bisexuality and the other women’s choices to show they were lesbians could have a negative impact on their life. Society, because of homophobia, punishes these women in many different realms. Some have fear of finding a job or are ostracized from their family (Pharr 418). Even though Tila did not suffer from this, she addressed this fear of losing her family by saying, “I’ve always been very open, but I didn’t tell my parents until recently. They ended up being very supportive” (Ward 1). The bottom line is that no societal structures foster the idea of homosexuality. Instead they do the opposite and promote homophobia. There is no where these women can go to be free from negative comments. Those identifying as lesbian lose credibility and respect. They are rejected by the very community in which they reside (Pharr 419). It was a bold move for Tila Tequila and the sixteen lesbian women to reveal their true selves on “A Shot at Love.” They risked everything, as they do every day of their life, when they admit they are lesbian.
Overall, “A Shot at Love” is just another reality dating show for a women looking in the wrong place to find someone to love. I do not believe that this show was intended to have third wave themes, but it thoroughly depicts third wave ideals of sex positive feminism and the deliberate homophobia affecting America. With “A Shot at Love” heading into a second season, it is possible that culture is beginning to accept the concept of sexual orientation being fluid. It does not have to be a static feeling, and Tila Tequila shows this. She was looking for love in both men and women; however, she began to see them not as men and women, but just as people, free from the defining characteristic of sex. If the world could see people without identifying them as women or men, an extreme progression would be made. Although it seems we are far from this goal right now, Tila
Tequila is proof that it can be done. Society’s acceptance of “A Shot at Love” shows that they can accept this fluidity. Positive steps forward in the media with shows such as “A Shot at Love” are just what America needs to break through homophobia and continue living in the sphere of sex positive, third wave feminism. After this is achieved, we will be closer to saying that the world is in a state of post-feminism.